One Goat Per Man
  Can I have your attention please. Hello, can I have your attention please. Please, your attention, gentlemen, can you keep it down. Thank you,  thank you.
I would like to begin by welcoming all of you to the 5th annual, " kill the infidel " reunion. Please hold your applause, thank you. This years reunion is being held in the American progress zone of Anbar province. Please hold your applause gentlemen., thank you. The reason we chose Anbar province for our annual reunion is because the Americans think they have defeated us here. Please hold your laughter, thank you. The Americans think they have defeated us here but we know that we simply stopped fighting. Hold the laughter please, hold the laughter please. Thank you. We simply faded away in the face of the enemy just like we did at the beginning of the war when the Americans rushed to Baghdad the same way they rush to their McDonald to eat the food of the infidel.  Hold your applause please. Just like the sand storm you can see in the distance. The closer the storm gets the less you can see.

  We have had some successes and we have learned some great lessons over the last five years. I am happy to announce that most of you will be going on stand down beginning tonight and lasting up to six months. Thank you, thank you, you deserve it gentlemen. In addition to the stand down every last man will be receiving a goat. Thank you, thank you, you deserve it. Go home, take care of your families and your land. Make babies who will grow up to kill the infidel.
Thank you, thank you.  I now take this opportunity to introduce our guest speaker for this evening, AKBAR. Akbar is a direct descendant of the Akbar from Mesopotamia and a profit of Allah. Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar.

  Thank you, thank you. Can you hold it down gentlemen, gentlemen--the sooner I finish this speech the sooner you can get on your donkeys and go home to your families. Thank you, thank you. It is truly an honor to address this gathering of brave defenders of the Islamic justice which must be brought to the invading infidel's. We have killed many greedy Americans and disrupted their political process in the U. S. A. We know that the way to defeat the most modern, high tech army in the history of mankind is to to go low tech. They come with planes and tanks and we strap explosives to a child Martyr.

  Even as we speak the Bush administration cronies chastise their Democratic rivals for doubting the progress Which their President had promised them.
We will let the war mongers brag about victory and shake their fingers at those Americans who would cut and run.  Shortly before their 2008 elections we shall rise from the desert with the vengeance of Allah and assure the defeat of all the Republicans. We will cast our votes in the American election with bullets and bombs and the bodies of their brave fighting men. In 2009 the antiwar Democrats will hold power over a confused and afraid population. Oil prices will be at an all time high as we squeeze the life blood out of the Satan. The Americans with 2 homes, 2 SUV's and 2 four wheelers will find their toys rusting for lack of oil and gas they can no longer afford. We as much as anyone will choose the next President of the United States..

  We will continue to serve Allah in Pakistan and Afghanistan by wearing the enemy down one bullet at a time. Allah has praised this years poppy crop in Afghanistan and while we feed the American hunger for decadence and greed of money we will let him provide us with the resources to buy weapons and ammo that kill their children and break their spirit. In 10 years or a hundred years we will own the nuclear weapons that sit in Pakistan.

  Over the past five years we have provided Visas to over a thousand students who attend American colleges and universities. beginning next year they will start to return to the motherland with degrees in Nuclear technology, chemistry, Biology and language. We have also sponsored over 2,000 Spanish speaking Muslims to cross Americans southern border and establish themselves in construction, landscaping, domestic workers and other invisible positions that serve the lazy and blind habits of the Satan. Some of these workers serve the leaders of their government and finance. Once again the Americans finance the tools of their own destruction. When we are ready these Spanish speaking brothers of the Jihad will be let lose. Even today some move freely and silently around their country. They cause a fire here, a broken pipe there or an explosion in a chemical plant somewhere else. Always looking like accidents the minor events bleed the infidel or his resources until the time we openly take credit for these acts.

  The Americans want quick victory and we will die for a thousand years to please Allah. Go home now, heal your wounds, make babies and prepare for the fight that will come next year. Praise Allah.
Tom Skiens